the past few days have been quite random... i went down to exotic sikeston, mo to go with my friend kristin visit her parents... it was a great way for both of us to have permission to not think about job stuff and just be... tomorrow i'm leaving to denver with my friends sara, david, and meghan to visit our friend nick and all the other peeps that are out there planting a church... i'm looking forward to a week of just being and not thinking about all this stressful stuff...
along those lines but not really, last night i saw garden state, the new movie from zach braff, the guy from scrubs. it is amazing! it is not perfect by any means, but he truly gives voice to our generation, the generation that has been numb for too long and now desires to live and feel, even if it is the most painful thing in the whole wide world...
his thoughts so reflect where i'm at... this stage of my life sucks... but i wouldn't trade it for the world. i'm growing. i'm getting to know myself in a whole new light. i'm getting to know god in a whole new light. and i'm still hoping this will end soon.
in the meantime, i'm off to denver... as i said before, i'm doing my best to live in the right here right now. i hope that you give permission to yourself to do so as well.
ps - check out zach braff's blog at gardenstate.typepad.com
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Thursday, August 26, 2004
belonging to something bigger
in the strenghtfinder assessment tool one of the themes/strengths is significance. this is defined as the desire to be part of something bigger than yourself (simplified definition). this is one of my top ten strenghts, and i've seen it this week pop up a lot.
as i said in my previous post, that's one of the reasons i love the olympic games so much. but also this past week i had an experience that made me realize this is something at the core of my being. i went to an interview for a possible youth ministry position, and the interviewers, who were extremely great to me and seem to be amazing people, conduced the interview in such a way that it felt that they were more interested in finding a warm body to take the position instead of getting to know me as a person, to join their team, and to work together.
i get that they are overwhelmed by being one person down on their staff. this experience, however, has once again helped me realize that i don't want a job for the sake of having a job. i want a job that has a purpose, that is bigger than me, something that makes me say, "holy shit, i can't do this on my own!" i want to be part of something that is beyond my control, of a reality that goes beyond my understanding, i want to be part of a team working together to bring about transformation in individuals and in a community.
maybe i am too idealistic. and at times i feel like "beggers can't be choosers". but my soul, my heart, my being is screaming to belong to something bigger. this transition phase is hard because it is easy to believe at times that i am disconnected from the world.
as i wrestle with this and try to find the trinity in the midst of it all, i ease the tension up with living vicariously through the olympians... as i type this, usa women's soccer is beating brazil 1-0 for the gold, and it's official, puerto rico lost to italy in men's basketball and will play saturday to determine 5th and 6th place... i just have to make the consciuos effort every now and then to remember to live my life through the 1st point of view.
as i said in my previous post, that's one of the reasons i love the olympic games so much. but also this past week i had an experience that made me realize this is something at the core of my being. i went to an interview for a possible youth ministry position, and the interviewers, who were extremely great to me and seem to be amazing people, conduced the interview in such a way that it felt that they were more interested in finding a warm body to take the position instead of getting to know me as a person, to join their team, and to work together.
i get that they are overwhelmed by being one person down on their staff. this experience, however, has once again helped me realize that i don't want a job for the sake of having a job. i want a job that has a purpose, that is bigger than me, something that makes me say, "holy shit, i can't do this on my own!" i want to be part of something that is beyond my control, of a reality that goes beyond my understanding, i want to be part of a team working together to bring about transformation in individuals and in a community.
maybe i am too idealistic. and at times i feel like "beggers can't be choosers". but my soul, my heart, my being is screaming to belong to something bigger. this transition phase is hard because it is easy to believe at times that i am disconnected from the world.
as i wrestle with this and try to find the trinity in the midst of it all, i ease the tension up with living vicariously through the olympians... as i type this, usa women's soccer is beating brazil 1-0 for the gold, and it's official, puerto rico lost to italy in men's basketball and will play saturday to determine 5th and 6th place... i just have to make the consciuos effort every now and then to remember to live my life through the 1st point of view.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
olympic addiction
it's true, i'm addicted...
i wanted the russian chick that looks like an angry uma thurman to win... i'm in love with michael phelps and the romanian gymnast whose name is marian, i'm still celebrating that puerto rico beat the usa in basketball in some form of poetic justice and crossing my fingers that they might have a chance for the bronze (which they might)...
here's why i love these games so much... i love the look on the faces of those that win, especially those that have no clue that they won until the last person does their routine or they look at the scoreboard (as the swimmers have to do)... i love the look in the faces of those who have won gold and they get to stand in the middle podium with the wreath on their heads, the medal on their chests, and their flag being raised as their national anthem is being played out for everyone... what a way to feel that you are part of something bigger than yourself!
the other night as i was going to bed i was channel surfing to see what other olympic games were on late at night in the other nbc networks... i ran into cnn and a report on the whole questioning kerry's vietnam involvement campaign... am i lost in a parallel universe, or have the olympic games truly allowed us for a while to turn away from the sport of politics?
in a couple of weeks we'll go "back to normal" and politics and the november elections might be back on our faces...
this "breather" was helpful.
Even if it is in the trivial form of sports, it is nice to be reminded that the world is bigger than the piece of land that we live in, that there are other people around the globe, and that, yes, it's true, even the delayed telecast reminds us that we are not the center of the world because what we are so excited to watch already happened!
Maybe we can remember Ben Zander's (the conductor of the philharmonic orchestra in boston, i believe?!?! his book is called the art of possibility. read it!) rule #6, not to take ourselves so seriously, and even better, remember that there aren't any other rules!
i wanted the russian chick that looks like an angry uma thurman to win... i'm in love with michael phelps and the romanian gymnast whose name is marian, i'm still celebrating that puerto rico beat the usa in basketball in some form of poetic justice and crossing my fingers that they might have a chance for the bronze (which they might)...
here's why i love these games so much... i love the look on the faces of those that win, especially those that have no clue that they won until the last person does their routine or they look at the scoreboard (as the swimmers have to do)... i love the look in the faces of those who have won gold and they get to stand in the middle podium with the wreath on their heads, the medal on their chests, and their flag being raised as their national anthem is being played out for everyone... what a way to feel that you are part of something bigger than yourself!
the other night as i was going to bed i was channel surfing to see what other olympic games were on late at night in the other nbc networks... i ran into cnn and a report on the whole questioning kerry's vietnam involvement campaign... am i lost in a parallel universe, or have the olympic games truly allowed us for a while to turn away from the sport of politics?
in a couple of weeks we'll go "back to normal" and politics and the november elections might be back on our faces...
this "breather" was helpful.
Even if it is in the trivial form of sports, it is nice to be reminded that the world is bigger than the piece of land that we live in, that there are other people around the globe, and that, yes, it's true, even the delayed telecast reminds us that we are not the center of the world because what we are so excited to watch already happened!
Maybe we can remember Ben Zander's (the conductor of the philharmonic orchestra in boston, i believe?!?! his book is called the art of possibility. read it!) rule #6, not to take ourselves so seriously, and even better, remember that there aren't any other rules!
Monday, August 23, 2004
for the fate of humanity ;-)
so my friend nick asked a question in his comments to my previous post, making me realize that this blogging thing might be a good idea after all! love the questions, will answer with more questions, maybe never reach an answer, and enjoy the process...
he asked "is there unique purpose for each person (aka vocation in the philosophical sense) or is there general purpose (aka love) for everyone expressed uniquely through the grid of a persons unique style and abilities?"
here's my thought that serves as a foundation: it's a both/and kind of thing (how many of you saw that one comming? ;-) because we are all created in god's image, it is only natural that we have a general purpose, aka love. god is love and as his creatures, we long for it, we look for it, and we want to express it - that we go about it in different ways is another long subject we're not getting into right now.
that love, as nick questions and proposes, is expressed through the uniqueness of every human being. that expression is what i would call vocation. this vocation is not static but ever evolving. this isn't something that you find once in your lifetime and then you have it all "figured out". vocation, like everything else in life, is then a process of self-discovery: as you get to know yourself, you get to know god. as you get to know god, you get to know how he created you to express the love she lavishes on you.
the foundation is love. dynamic vocation flows out of it. it might not be "vocation" as mainstream evangelical christianity refers to. nonetheless, it is vocation.
this is the reality i find myself in. as i try to identify what is the next tangible step in my life, i keep finding out more and more that i'm fully called to be a vessel of his love. my vocation keeps being redefined, but the core of love is non-changing even when my understanding of love is ever-changing.
those are some thoughts... let me know what you think.
he asked "is there unique purpose for each person (aka vocation in the philosophical sense) or is there general purpose (aka love) for everyone expressed uniquely through the grid of a persons unique style and abilities?"
here's my thought that serves as a foundation: it's a both/and kind of thing (how many of you saw that one comming? ;-) because we are all created in god's image, it is only natural that we have a general purpose, aka love. god is love and as his creatures, we long for it, we look for it, and we want to express it - that we go about it in different ways is another long subject we're not getting into right now.
that love, as nick questions and proposes, is expressed through the uniqueness of every human being. that expression is what i would call vocation. this vocation is not static but ever evolving. this isn't something that you find once in your lifetime and then you have it all "figured out". vocation, like everything else in life, is then a process of self-discovery: as you get to know yourself, you get to know god. as you get to know god, you get to know how he created you to express the love she lavishes on you.
the foundation is love. dynamic vocation flows out of it. it might not be "vocation" as mainstream evangelical christianity refers to. nonetheless, it is vocation.
this is the reality i find myself in. as i try to identify what is the next tangible step in my life, i keep finding out more and more that i'm fully called to be a vessel of his love. my vocation keeps being redefined, but the core of love is non-changing even when my understanding of love is ever-changing.
those are some thoughts... let me know what you think.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
succumbing to blog-mania
i'm not one to follow trends... i usually rebel against the status quo, sometimes erring on the side of rebelling for the sake of rebelling.
so why am i starting a blog now that it seems to be the "thing" to do?
if you know me, you know that 75% of my world and my life probably happens in my head. this, i figured, would be a great way to let my brain talk, to process ideas, thougths, to give my brain a little freedom - and maybe interact with other great thinkers along the way...
maybe it will work, maybe it won't... who knows if i'll keep up with it... all i know is that it seems like a great idea now... so, as i'm learning to live in the moment, let the adventure begin.
so why am i starting a blog now that it seems to be the "thing" to do?
if you know me, you know that 75% of my world and my life probably happens in my head. this, i figured, would be a great way to let my brain talk, to process ideas, thougths, to give my brain a little freedom - and maybe interact with other great thinkers along the way...
maybe it will work, maybe it won't... who knows if i'll keep up with it... all i know is that it seems like a great idea now... so, as i'm learning to live in the moment, let the adventure begin.
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