i finished my last post about an hour and a half ago - and for whatever reason decided to read all my entries in my blog. the past year and a half have been a roller coaster!!!
i love that it is documented. i can go through it and remember especific moments, emotions, realizations.
i turn 28 today.
the year of 27 was a healing year. a year of realizations. a season in there qualifies as numb. the end-tail was hopeful and re-discovering, re-defining.
i'm looking forward to a year of abiding. a year of crying out loud "nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you lord." a year of more immersing in the trinity. a year of growth. a year of wholeness.
happy birthday to me.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
the little glimpses.
this weekend we had the radius-team retreat - designed for those of us that have committed to radius for this 2-0-5/2-0-6 year (thanks jibjab!) we went away to breckenridge, all 20 of us, well 21 with baby hayden!
it was a time of sitting down and relaxing for me. it was a time of remembering.
about 8 months ago i picked up and left what was my life in chicago and moved to denver. what seemed like a radical, out of nowhere move was really well founded. and that was what i was reminded of...
i was reminded of all the little glimpses of possibility. i was reminded of all the what if's... i was reminded of how i was not and stil i'm not in a place of being a pioneer and leading the charge in the intentionality of transformation and growing deeper in love with the trinity. i was reminded of my conscious choice of wanting to be immersed in a community that although i knew it was not "perfect" by our regular standards, everyone involved is committed to these deep roots of love. i knew that we would all fall flat on our faces and hurt each other along the way as we figured it out, but we are all in it and committed. i was reminded of how this is the true meaning of "perfection".
i was reminded of my story and how it ties in with the bigger radius story. no matter how much longer i'm here - 3 months, a year, five years, the rest of my life - my story is connected with the radius story, with the stories of everyone else here. the intersection is real and there's no "turning back" - not that i want there to be one. and i was reminded of how about 3 years ago, in the midst of figuring out next steps and just plain getting to know other people, i happened to spend a weekend with about 10 other crazy people brainstorming ideas and thoughts that miraculously became the foundation of what i live out today. that was the weekend when ideologically i became tied to our experimental church. little did i know, as i was reminded by my friend sara today, that i would live in denver living all of this out.
all these little glimpses were flooded into my mind this weekend, once again painting a comprehensive picture - a picture that rocks my guts and leaves me with this reality: i don't know how to do life any other way.
it was a time of sitting down and relaxing for me. it was a time of remembering.
about 8 months ago i picked up and left what was my life in chicago and moved to denver. what seemed like a radical, out of nowhere move was really well founded. and that was what i was reminded of...
i was reminded of all the little glimpses of possibility. i was reminded of all the what if's... i was reminded of how i was not and stil i'm not in a place of being a pioneer and leading the charge in the intentionality of transformation and growing deeper in love with the trinity. i was reminded of my conscious choice of wanting to be immersed in a community that although i knew it was not "perfect" by our regular standards, everyone involved is committed to these deep roots of love. i knew that we would all fall flat on our faces and hurt each other along the way as we figured it out, but we are all in it and committed. i was reminded of how this is the true meaning of "perfection".
i was reminded of my story and how it ties in with the bigger radius story. no matter how much longer i'm here - 3 months, a year, five years, the rest of my life - my story is connected with the radius story, with the stories of everyone else here. the intersection is real and there's no "turning back" - not that i want there to be one. and i was reminded of how about 3 years ago, in the midst of figuring out next steps and just plain getting to know other people, i happened to spend a weekend with about 10 other crazy people brainstorming ideas and thoughts that miraculously became the foundation of what i live out today. that was the weekend when ideologically i became tied to our experimental church. little did i know, as i was reminded by my friend sara today, that i would live in denver living all of this out.
all these little glimpses were flooded into my mind this weekend, once again painting a comprehensive picture - a picture that rocks my guts and leaves me with this reality: i don't know how to do life any other way.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
such a random day!
today was my first day out walking around town after being sick. it was gorgeous out!
i ran some errands, and then went to starbucks to clean up my locker, pick up my tips, hand in my keys... it was fun and sad, all at the same time. the peeps that were working at the time are great, i get along with all of them, so it was pretty much like old times, except that i didn't have an apron on.
and "my boyfriend" was there. ok, little explanation. about a week ago this guy ryan from the curtis store called our store asking to speak to a manager. i was not available at the time so he left a message. when i came back amber and enrique both told me to call. usually when someone from another store calls is because they just ran out of something. so i said, "if they really want something, they'll call back. i don't need to." so they started kidding around saying that he sounded cute and that he really needed to talk to me - blah, blah, blah... it was sort of funny. a time later i send enrique on his break. the phone rings and amber picks up and says, "it's ryan from curtis". so i pick up the phone, all nice and conversational, and this is what i hear from the other line.
"how are you guys doing?"
me - "we're doing well. what's going on with you guys?"
"not much. i was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime..."
me - "i don't even know who you are..."
At that point the person on the other line starts laughing. it was enrique from the phone in the back; amber was in it too... it was pretty funny... we laugh it off, enrique comes back from his break, it's all good...
not even 10 minutes later the phone rings again. amber picks up again and says, "it's the joke of the day, ryan from curtis." i look at enrique who's standing next to me, who gives me a look of, "i'm right here!" so we all look at each other and just start laughing. amber and enrique are both making "ooh-ing" noises... i pick up the phone.
me - "this is vivian"
"hey, this is ryan from curtis. i was wondering if you guys had any 5's you could spare..."
as soon as i hang up the phone, i look at amber and enrique... "they're out of $5's!!!" who's out of $5's?!?!? that bastard is after my money! this relationship will never work if that's all he's after..." so we start laughing...
20 minutes later ryan from curtis walks in... he's really cute as in "pretty" cute. snowboarding pink cheeks, about 6'2'', blonde, light eyes, he is pretty cute. i give him the money, my friends are giving me the eye, we're about to burst out laughing but we don't want to because poor ryan from curtis has no clue... as soon as he walked out of the store (there was no one else in the store at the time) i start yelling, "you bastard!!! i love you, i gave you all, and you're only after my money. that's it, we're through!!!" and "storm off" in high drama. it was so funny, we're all laughing, so the poor guy got labeled as my boyfriend.
this brings us to today.
i'm having coffee with my friend jackie from chicago (so fun! we both live in the same state now!) and all of the sudden ryan from curtis walks in... enrique and i look at each other and start laughing! turns out he picked up a shift at the store so he was going to be working with enrique and amber for the next couple of hours!! it was way too funny... so every 10 minutes or so as enrique is doing lobby checks he comes over to my table with updates about the guy that he keeps learning as they are working together. at some point, he comes over and tells me, "he's not even 21!" to which i replied, "and he's also a liar!! he never told me that!!"
it was just funny. at least for us.
i'll miss those peeps at that store. we had fun!
so in the randomness of the day, i had coffee with my friend jackie as i mentioned. it was so cool. we both used to work together at willow way back in the day and have all this random people in common... people that no one else out here know about - so that was fun :-D
then i hung out with sheralee. we went to the store and bought stuff to make fajitas and guacamole and salsa from scratch! so good!! jim and megs ended up joining us... i love that out of nowhere i ended up cooking for my friends... they were all here having dinner with me and then we watched lost - exept for megs... apparently the show bores her to death... megs... seriously, what's going on? ;-) by the way, she just bought an old school nintendo with a bunch of games... guess who might have to kick someone's ass playing the original super mario bros.?!?!?! i can't wait!!
anyways, a fun random day of being unemployed... i wish these could come more often...
i ran some errands, and then went to starbucks to clean up my locker, pick up my tips, hand in my keys... it was fun and sad, all at the same time. the peeps that were working at the time are great, i get along with all of them, so it was pretty much like old times, except that i didn't have an apron on.
and "my boyfriend" was there. ok, little explanation. about a week ago this guy ryan from the curtis store called our store asking to speak to a manager. i was not available at the time so he left a message. when i came back amber and enrique both told me to call. usually when someone from another store calls is because they just ran out of something. so i said, "if they really want something, they'll call back. i don't need to." so they started kidding around saying that he sounded cute and that he really needed to talk to me - blah, blah, blah... it was sort of funny. a time later i send enrique on his break. the phone rings and amber picks up and says, "it's ryan from curtis". so i pick up the phone, all nice and conversational, and this is what i hear from the other line.
"how are you guys doing?"
me - "we're doing well. what's going on with you guys?"
"not much. i was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime..."
me - "i don't even know who you are..."
At that point the person on the other line starts laughing. it was enrique from the phone in the back; amber was in it too... it was pretty funny... we laugh it off, enrique comes back from his break, it's all good...
not even 10 minutes later the phone rings again. amber picks up again and says, "it's the joke of the day, ryan from curtis." i look at enrique who's standing next to me, who gives me a look of, "i'm right here!" so we all look at each other and just start laughing. amber and enrique are both making "ooh-ing" noises... i pick up the phone.
me - "this is vivian"
"hey, this is ryan from curtis. i was wondering if you guys had any 5's you could spare..."
as soon as i hang up the phone, i look at amber and enrique... "they're out of $5's!!!" who's out of $5's?!?!? that bastard is after my money! this relationship will never work if that's all he's after..." so we start laughing...
20 minutes later ryan from curtis walks in... he's really cute as in "pretty" cute. snowboarding pink cheeks, about 6'2'', blonde, light eyes, he is pretty cute. i give him the money, my friends are giving me the eye, we're about to burst out laughing but we don't want to because poor ryan from curtis has no clue... as soon as he walked out of the store (there was no one else in the store at the time) i start yelling, "you bastard!!! i love you, i gave you all, and you're only after my money. that's it, we're through!!!" and "storm off" in high drama. it was so funny, we're all laughing, so the poor guy got labeled as my boyfriend.
this brings us to today.
i'm having coffee with my friend jackie from chicago (so fun! we both live in the same state now!) and all of the sudden ryan from curtis walks in... enrique and i look at each other and start laughing! turns out he picked up a shift at the store so he was going to be working with enrique and amber for the next couple of hours!! it was way too funny... so every 10 minutes or so as enrique is doing lobby checks he comes over to my table with updates about the guy that he keeps learning as they are working together. at some point, he comes over and tells me, "he's not even 21!" to which i replied, "and he's also a liar!! he never told me that!!"
it was just funny. at least for us.
i'll miss those peeps at that store. we had fun!
so in the randomness of the day, i had coffee with my friend jackie as i mentioned. it was so cool. we both used to work together at willow way back in the day and have all this random people in common... people that no one else out here know about - so that was fun :-D
then i hung out with sheralee. we went to the store and bought stuff to make fajitas and guacamole and salsa from scratch! so good!! jim and megs ended up joining us... i love that out of nowhere i ended up cooking for my friends... they were all here having dinner with me and then we watched lost - exept for megs... apparently the show bores her to death... megs... seriously, what's going on? ;-) by the way, she just bought an old school nintendo with a bunch of games... guess who might have to kick someone's ass playing the original super mario bros.?!?!?! i can't wait!!
anyways, a fun random day of being unemployed... i wish these could come more often...
Monday, January 23, 2006
so much phlegm...
yes, i know that's gross. and yes, those were the past four days of my life.
i got super sick. i had no idea of my bronchial phlegmatic capacity. at a point, i just had to be impressed.
my body hurt, everytime i swallowed my throat felt like it was being opened in two.
i was sick.
i'm finally on the other side. a little stuffed up still, but nothing like the past four days. i don't want those ever again.
to add insult to injury, i got my period in the midst of all that. which wouldn't be that bad except that i get the worst cramps known in humanity. so on saturday my body had antibiotics, advil, benadryl, vick's formula 44 expectorant (by which i swear now it's so frickin' good), and vioxx, the only thing that will take my cramps away. don't forget the vick's vapor rub all over my chest so i could breath... in legal terms, i was high.
i think it's kind of funny that saturday was my last shift at the 'bucks and i had to call in sick... way to go out with a bang!
i start with the temp agency on the first. i already have a job lined up from the 8th til the 15th.
i have a week and a half off. hopefully i won't get sick again. and hopefully i can find some rest and spend some quality time with god. that's all i want.
i got super sick. i had no idea of my bronchial phlegmatic capacity. at a point, i just had to be impressed.
my body hurt, everytime i swallowed my throat felt like it was being opened in two.
i was sick.
i'm finally on the other side. a little stuffed up still, but nothing like the past four days. i don't want those ever again.
to add insult to injury, i got my period in the midst of all that. which wouldn't be that bad except that i get the worst cramps known in humanity. so on saturday my body had antibiotics, advil, benadryl, vick's formula 44 expectorant (by which i swear now it's so frickin' good), and vioxx, the only thing that will take my cramps away. don't forget the vick's vapor rub all over my chest so i could breath... in legal terms, i was high.
i think it's kind of funny that saturday was my last shift at the 'bucks and i had to call in sick... way to go out with a bang!
i start with the temp agency on the first. i already have a job lined up from the 8th til the 15th.
i have a week and a half off. hopefully i won't get sick again. and hopefully i can find some rest and spend some quality time with god. that's all i want.
Monday, January 16, 2006
24
about two years ago some of my friends from chicago got me hooked on the show 24. maybe "hooked" is too soft of a word... they also introduced me to tivo... what was life before tivo? i can't recall...
well, for half of season three and the whole season four we would meet at their place and watch it. every monday night. it was commitment. it was beautiful.
season five started last night. HOLY CRAP!!!! so much happened in the first 20 minutes - regulars are all dead or injured or escaping (not giving away who in case you haven't seen it)!!!! and jack is back from the dead!!!
i was watching all of this by myself at about two thirty in the morning last night (thanks tivo!) - it made me miss my friends :-(
we would scream together, identify plot lines together, laugh, poke fun at (mostly chloe!)...
so last night they got together and watched it. wished i could've been there...
miss you guys!
well, for half of season three and the whole season four we would meet at their place and watch it. every monday night. it was commitment. it was beautiful.
season five started last night. HOLY CRAP!!!! so much happened in the first 20 minutes - regulars are all dead or injured or escaping (not giving away who in case you haven't seen it)!!!! and jack is back from the dead!!!
i was watching all of this by myself at about two thirty in the morning last night (thanks tivo!) - it made me miss my friends :-(
we would scream together, identify plot lines together, laugh, poke fun at (mostly chloe!)...
so last night they got together and watched it. wished i could've been there...
miss you guys!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
so that's why at times i feel like a fish out of water...
my friend drew has this poll on his blog. here's how i came out...
:-D
there's a little of me!
click on the link and see what you come out as!
Your Political Profile |
Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal |
Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal |
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal |
:-D
there's a little of me!
click on the link and see what you come out as!
Monday, January 09, 2006
back "home"
or more like "homebase".
talk about displacement.
talk about abandonment.
jesus, you're bigger.
i'm apprehensive.
i'm dependent.
dependent.
right now, i don't know
another way to be.
talk about displacement.
talk about abandonment.
jesus, you're bigger.
i'm apprehensive.
i'm dependent.
dependent.
right now, i don't know
another way to be.
Friday, January 06, 2006
bienvenido a miami
day 2 in miami.
i love my sister. i love my brother in law.
we did christmas, or as known in the spanish speaking world, three kings last night. it's fun giving and recieving gifts from people that care about you and you care about them!
and my sister and i once again came to the realization that if we weren't sisters, we would do whatever we could to be each other's friend - i have no concept of what not getting along with your sister looks like - and i'm thankful.
today has been a day of rest. i basically went non-stop in chicago, which was wonderful and draining, mostly wonderful, went non-stop in puerto rico, which was wonderful and draining, mostly draining, so a day of doing nothing at the heath's in miami is so ok!
well, not nothing. i talked on the phone with my friend sara for about an hour. it didn't feel like an hour!! we are intentional about meeting with each other at least once a week. it's been three weeks! and our worlds have been a little upside down... i miss her. even though our friendship is a relatively "new" one, it feels like it's been there all along.
more on miami later as it unfolds...
i love my sister. i love my brother in law.
we did christmas, or as known in the spanish speaking world, three kings last night. it's fun giving and recieving gifts from people that care about you and you care about them!
and my sister and i once again came to the realization that if we weren't sisters, we would do whatever we could to be each other's friend - i have no concept of what not getting along with your sister looks like - and i'm thankful.
today has been a day of rest. i basically went non-stop in chicago, which was wonderful and draining, mostly wonderful, went non-stop in puerto rico, which was wonderful and draining, mostly draining, so a day of doing nothing at the heath's in miami is so ok!
well, not nothing. i talked on the phone with my friend sara for about an hour. it didn't feel like an hour!! we are intentional about meeting with each other at least once a week. it's been three weeks! and our worlds have been a little upside down... i miss her. even though our friendship is a relatively "new" one, it feels like it's been there all along.
more on miami later as it unfolds...
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
you can talk the talk...
i've been talking about quitting starbucks for a long time. the schedule sucks ass and the pay not great. props given were they're due: it's a great company to work for, the perks and benefits are great, the people i worked with at both stores are amazing, the interaction with the customers was for the most part fun, and the low/non-committal aspect of it was beautiful. i went in, did my job, walked out, no "homework".
this morning i quit. my official last day is january 22nd. the outside factor that pushed my decision (and i need to keep reminding myself it was "my decision") is that one of my roommates is moving out so everything that was split down to 1/3 is now 1/2. i love my apartment and the building and don't want to move out, so starting next monday two more weeks of starbucks time, a week off for transition (and my birthday) and then off to temping.
i'm sad. that took me mostly by surprise. i'm really sad. we can talk about the longrun later. right now i'm sad.
i've been gone on "vacation" for a week and a half and it feels like 85% of my world has changed. (arbitrary number)
high hopes for 2006... high hopes...
this morning i quit. my official last day is january 22nd. the outside factor that pushed my decision (and i need to keep reminding myself it was "my decision") is that one of my roommates is moving out so everything that was split down to 1/3 is now 1/2. i love my apartment and the building and don't want to move out, so starting next monday two more weeks of starbucks time, a week off for transition (and my birthday) and then off to temping.
i'm sad. that took me mostly by surprise. i'm really sad. we can talk about the longrun later. right now i'm sad.
i've been gone on "vacation" for a week and a half and it feels like 85% of my world has changed. (arbitrary number)
high hopes for 2006... high hopes...
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