on hurt pride...

i have more things to say about my feeling of my pride being hurt because of my possibility of working at starbucks...

first of all, i don't mean this to be an insult to anyone that works in a coffee house! that's not where i'm coming from at all!!!

there's a part of me that feels like my next job "should" be on what i spent thousands of dollars in my education. i have a masters of arts in transformational leadership. therefore, it "only makes sense" that i will be working in a ministry position transforming the crap out of many people. the past months have proven to be dissapointing and i don't know what will be my future in full time ministry...

as much as i would like to say that my identity is not wrapped up in what i do but in who i am in god and who the trinity created me to be, reality is that i have desires, and i long in my heart to eventually be leading people toward the transformation of their lives towards the image of christ. that gets confused and my identity sometimes gets mixed up - sometimes i think that i am what i do... hence the possibility of working at a coffee house seems like a failure to some extent.

i know in my head that's a lie... it's the process of believing that in my heart that is challenging...

hence we go back to my theme of living in the moment. maybe this is the best choice for the right here right now, we'll see... i would love to have a clear vision of the future, but i don't. i can only go as far as i see. and for now, i see that i need to get out of the house, get to meet new people, and be jesus incarnate no matter in what setting i find myself in.