choices in the midst of chaos

something that sucks about being in the midst of existential re-defining is that you have to be functional and live life. i get overwhelmed really easily so the every day decision making process gets skewed - and sadly, i make choices that are not the best for me. so the shame kicks in - "you should know better by now; it's not the first time; we've been here before" - etc. I can give you all the psychological background of why i made the decisions i made, where it's steming out, what i really want in all this... and this is the point where all the headknowledge needs to stop and i, simply put, just need to grieve... grieve... and then some more grieving...