never had the word "bitch" been so endearing...

disclaimer: i'm not planning on moving anywhere, this is just how the story goes...

at the thought of a slight possibility of me moving to vegas (not true), nick said, "that bitch better not be moving to vegas!"

at the thought of me taking a job in sioux falls (not true), maria said, "that bitch better not be moving to sioux falls!"

i <3 my friends :)

never ha the word bitch expressed so much love!

i'm not as young as i used to be...

the earliest i went to bed while in vegas was 12:30am... there used to be a time in my life when that was normal. today, after being back for two days, i still feel like i got hit by a truck - no pun intended towards my sister, who about a month ago got hit by a truck, literally... now i pull long nights and all nighters for a long weekend and it takes forever to recup... what does it all mean?!? i guess i'm not in kansas anymore toto...

two AWESOME things!

1 - i'm leaving to vegas tomorrow to meet my parents! maria is coming for the weekend! fun times
2 - i got accepted into an improv troupe!!! the first few months will be writing and understudying, and hopefully in the near future getting some stage time as well!!!

now back to packing!

god ran away

god ran away
when we imprisoned her
and put her in a box
named church.
god would have none
of our labels and
our limitations
and she said,
“i will escape and plant myself
in a simpler, poorer soil
where those who see, will see,
and those who hear, will hear.
i will become a god – believable,
because i am free,
and go where I will.
my goodness will be found
in my freedom and
that freedom i offer to all –
regardless of color, sex or status,
regardless of power or money.
ah, i am god
because i am free
and all those who would be free
will find me,
roaming, wandering, singing.
come, walk with me –
come, dance with me!
i created you to sing – to dance –
to love...

if you cannot sing,
nor dance, nor love,
because they put you
also in a box,
know that your god broke free
and ran away.
so, send your spirit
then, to dance with her.
dance, sing with the god
whom they cannot tame nor chain.
dance within, thought they chain
your very guts
to the great stone walls...
dance, beloved,
Ah, dance!

-edwina gateley

two things...

so, um, yeah, this is awesome.

also - i've been meditating on jesus' last words before he died on the cross, "father, in your hands i put my spirit." sure, they were his "last" words, yet i'm experimenting with making these eight words my simple daily prayer. notice the word simple. not easy. it's been both challenging and freeing. so today, once again i say, "father/mother, in your hands i put my spirit."

the "ebenezer" of the day...

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
-Paul to the Corinthians

car accidents have been prohibited, banned, and regarded as non-existent!!!

seriously, if anyone else that i love gets into a car accident, i swear, i might lose it. they have all been fine in the greater scheme of everything - the huge magnitude of the crashes and the relatively minor injuries do not correlate... but still, can't deal with two huge accidents in less than a month!!! car crashes, you have been banned!!!

happy easter!!!!

maria and i went to the red rocks easter service this morning... we were the only ones there... all bundled up, temperature in the teens... snowing... four other people were there... then they left. it's 5:30am - we'd been there for about a half hour... it's probably cancelled... the two of us sitting there - by ourselves... it must be cancelled... let's just go... so we start walking out... there are signs at the information booth - "service has been cancelled due to inclement weather"... crap! funny!!! so now we're getting ready to go to a crc church... it's 6:30 am... don't believe me? here are the pictures to prove it...


we also dyed easter eggs last night...

he is risen - he is risen indeed...

down memory lane...

fun times :-)

Los Fabulosos Cadi...

things that made me happy this weekend

further conversations about the integration of god's fatherhood and motherhood, bringing my comprehension of god closer to its fullness.

the word sin being used from an archery metaphor meaning, "missing the mark." keep practicing to acquire skills...

office space - damn it feels good to be a gangsta!

hanging out w/ peeps eating AMAZING chocolate cake.

creating dessert concoctions from scratch.

hanging out with theater people.

margaritas with good peeps at las delicias.

this...


and this...


now i need a weekend to rest from the weekend.

braindead at work

here's how i eat my burritos at chipotle

My Chipotle Burrito:

Chipotle Fan.com

could i be more in love?!?!?

i want to be them...

a breath of fresh air

life gives them to you - simple reminders that say "you are loved"

i'm thankful for the one today.

when tv just gets too close to reality...

what do you do when you just spent about 2 hrs crying basically non-stop because you were watching tv? and not so much tv, but you watched the same show twice because it landed too close to home? well, it basically landed at home...

for the past two hours i saw a glimpse of what my life could potentially be, or perhaps is without my knowledge... i saw all the different roads i could choose to react, all of them making every single bit of sense on why i would choose each one. i could just sit there and not say anything... i could be sorrounded by people and yet feel the loneliest anyone could ever feel... i could turn to vices, i could reach out for help... i could potentially do something to hurt those whom i love the most... and who cares if i do, it's already been done to me so why bother...

it is not so much the actions or the circumstances that are the most painful - it's the hiding. i have no tolerance for lies. i grew up with too many and i refuse to live in such fear anymore. i've mostly been succesful at it. but i can't help it when something knocks the wind out of my lungs or hits me on the back of the head leaving me almost unconscious, or at best, with a serious case of whiplash...

there are some things i don't want to deal with, mostly because i'm not quite sure of their reality. i'm not one to live in the "what if's?" of life. but when i see something that blantantly reminds me of the "what if's?" of long gone i can't help but dwell in them, even if it is for two hours watching the same thing over and over again.

two weeks ago when i saw the preview for this show i knew that i didn't want to watch it by myself. i completely forgot what it was about until i started watching it. you would think i would've turn the tv off, but no, i watched it twice. it's saved on TiVo until i delete it. don't know if it's one of my dumbest ideas ever or the potential for some cathartic cleansing of self... perhaps a bit of both...

it feels too late to call anyone... here's the cyber-vomit... maybe some nyquil is in order 'cause i'm not quite sure if i'll fall asleep on my own.

in the meantime i'll just redirect my anger towards this. some people are fucking idiots!!!!

two years ago today...

thinking of her family and loved ones...

may god give you strength...

it was almost completely melted...

you could see grass...

you could wear open-toed shoes...

and now there are three inches on the ground...

damn it!

we live in the neighborhood...

maria and i went to a contemplative prayer session in a neighborhood church. we went around introducing ourselves and when they came to us, they asked us how long we have been attending this particular church, to which we replied, "oh, we don't attend here, we live in the neighborhood..." almost every face lit up in wonderment, gratefulness, joy... it was almost comical... and i got it. i got every bit of it...

i do enjoy living in the neighborhood...

ps - no desire to go see this movie at the theaters, but i'm pretty sure i'll be renting it the day it comes out!

at times parts of me are dying. others are alive and well.

it only takes one voice to remind you parts of you are gone: one voice, one touch, one smell, one sound.

a minute awakens the depths of the soul. a minute reminds you a certain part of you is not dead - it's been stuffed for too long.

i don't recognize this dormant self, asleep for too long.

i don't recognize the glimpses of life it irradiates - they scare me.

multiple aspects have changed - are changing - will keep changing

the core remains

i might not be recognizing my core.

dormant soul - i see you through the cracks: break out free - force yourself through the walls.

i await.

fcc my ass!

read this and this. If that can happen, then 3 years ago's "nipplegate" is really nothing. if this is all because prince is a man and janet is a woman, oh, friends, i am PISSED!!!! damn double standards! the fcc can kiss my ass...

ps - stupid bears...

you know you're loved when...

you have a day like the one i had yesterday.

i woke up to find our apartment had been all decorated by my roommate - including cupcakes and all.

all day at work i get e-mails, text, google chats, etc from people wishing you a happy birthday - people i haven't seen in YEARS and people that i have no clue why they remembered it.

my sister made sure she went to her friends place late at night to make sure she was able to talk to me in spite of the 7 hour difference.

to top the night off, i had one of the best happy hours/dinner anyone can hope for... the restaurant was a revolving door for friends to swing by, from co-workers, to former co-workers, to people i see every now and then, to my closest friends - all speaking words of afirmation and love... couldn't ask for anything more.

if there's a great way to have a birthday, it was yesterday. here's to hoping that this is a premonition of the year to come!

to all of you, thank you.