almost a new year...

the holidays this year have been very different for me... good, and very different...

here's a tiny background on christmas/holidays in my mind: they are all about families... you spend time with the people you love, the people you've grown up with, and you can create the craziest party, yet all around what you see are your family and loved ones...

and here's a sucky reality - my immediate family, not so good at the whole loving part. they mean to do it with all of their being, but most of the times it doesn't translate as love - probably one of the saddest realities ever. so this year i decided that i was going to try having christmas without my parents - an event that promised a lot of hope and also a lot of pain...

so i did. i spent christmas with the miller's, probably one of my favorite families in the whole wide world... those of you that know beth, greg, jacob, and caleb have no need for me to explain any more. those of you that don't, well, you need to get to know them. i couldn't have asked for a better christmas day. i felt so loved... and in the midst of it all i still was wondering what it would've been like to be with my parents. last year was so painful that i didn't want to repeat that. the miller's made me feel like i was a member of their family, "crazy miss viv" if you will. my sister spent christmas with her in-laws, and she also said the same thing, "i didn't think it was possible to feel so loved during this holiday!" - sad, so sad...

now we're getting ready for new year's. yet another milestone of not spending it with family. i'm looking forward to a small get together at my place, with people i love (even though some of them can't make it, so sad!!) - i guess i'm trying my best to still have the family feel that goes hand in hand with the holidays. i'm already having a hard time with decorations coming down before 3 kings day on jan 6 - in puerto rico the holidays last until jan 12 or so... this has been a culture shock, a new learning, a new found freedom, a new layer of grief, all enfolded into a not-so-nice little package we like to call the holidays.

my birthday is coming up on jan 30th - i tie it along with the new year - it's a celebration of life and opportunity. i'm turing 27 and i'm excited to see what's ahead in my life. as i look ahead to a new year, a new celebration of life, i look at how different i am from last year, at how i've grown in many ways, at the way i live life... just one thing to say - bring it on...

ps - when i was living in puerto rico, not so weird to see decorations coming down around my birthday... see, yet another culture shock...