40 days

many of you didn't know, but today was the last day of a forty day fast from alcohol. well, techinically, last night was the forty day mark. and today i had a pitcher of sangria with sharon my roommate (granted she only had about 1/4 or the pitcher) and my friend maria (who basically split the pitcher with me.)

what did I learn in these forty days...

1 - i lead a pretty (w)holisitic life - phyisical, spiritual, emotional. kuddos to me!!
2 - as much as i lead a (w)holistic life - i haven't begun to scratch the surface of what that even begin to looks like.
3 - taking care of my physical body is an act of worship.
4 - the only thing that matters to god is that i'm contientous about his love for me: he loves me when i do silly stuff that i don't remember about in the morning because i had a "wild" night and he loves me when i am in complete control of my own faculties and he loves me just the same when i feel the worst about myself.
5 - i'm not crazy in this world - others feel the same about me and about life in general.
6 - my drinking usually is a response of my wanting to be liked and/or approved by others - mostly a function of wanting to be liked, loved, the life of the party and avoiding rejection altogether.
7 - who i am today and who i was 40 days ago is no different, i'm just more conscientious
8 - there's nothing wrong with having a glass of wine, or 7 :-)
9 - jesus is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow - it is my comprehension of him that changes.

tonight i had a great time with maria. we laughed, we shed some tears, and we shared our passion for jesus. and that's what it is really all about for me... wanting to be like him/her/it and growing and transfroming myself into his/her/its image... i love that and i love that moments like that can happen in random nights sitting at the porch, whether it'll be mine (which kicks ass) or hers and sheralee (which also kicks some ass!) and as long as i'm sorrounded with people that want to know jesus, i'm ok... it sort of reminds me i'm not crazy and that he is real and deeply in love with me, no matter the cost.

the last 40 days have been great. the way the fast ended (mostly with maria) was refreshing. i'm sure the rest of the summer he'll use to show up!!