whenever i come back from puerto rico, the displacement kicks in. i've been gone for too long to fit in anymore - i don't quite fit in where i'm at either... it's a roundabout way of being reminded that true home is in god and nowhere else - so in a sense i'm lucky for having such a vivid reminder. it is painful as hell, though...
seeing so many people that i hadn't seen in a long time (see picture below for some of them) is very nourishing and gives you a sense of grounding. seeing new people, like little jaikob makes me so happy and extremely sad - i'm missing out on their lives down there...
but i've been gone too long - i'm just a blurb that shows up every year - not a constant in life.
in the united states, whether chicago or denver, finding that grounding stability is so hard... it took three years in chicago. denver feels a lot faster, still shaky ground nonetheless.
need to keep being me - with my "too much puertorican" on this end of the pond, and the "too much gringa" on the island... that's who i am right now - can't help it.
can't expect anyone to fully undersand either - that's the hardest part... people want and can empathize... however this does feel like one of those things that i need to deal on my own...
the prayer for this season is - jesus please be as real as you can be. i don't have the strength or energy to be proactive, so please show up. and open my eyes and awareness so i can see you - even in the littlest things, even in the buttloads of snow out... show me glimmers of hope and the comfort of home.
ps - i will post pictures from puerto rico soon - left the usb cable at my parents'... idiot, gah!
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1 comment:
you're no idiot...take it back!
and while perhaps you feel the need to figure this out on your own please know that you're certainly not the only one trying to figure it out!
whenever you're up for that cryfest we've been talking about i'm in.
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