march is done, it's fired!!!

i don't get it... i don't fucking get it...

i just came back from the funeral home. my friend alysun's dad passed away last wednesday. he had ms.

i met alysun when she was a junior in high school. i used to be her leader at the student ministry in willow. we used to go to the streamwood games, to the plays, to hang out with friends that they wanted me to meet.

all through the time i've known alysun her dad was bed ridden - in many ways, this has been a relief.

and it sucks ass!!!! i really never met her dad. yet walking through the room and looking at the pictures i could tell that he led a full life.

there was the wedding picture - he was wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt, her mom was wearing a white pantsuit with a spaghetti strap flowy white tank and flowers in her hair. references to the beatles where everywhere. and his pictures with alysun said more than words would ever be able to. you could totally see that she was his pride and joy.

as the years went by you could see him deteriorating. the most beautiful pictures where the ones that ripped my gut appart and made me angry. there was alysun getting ready to go to a school dance with her date, and they are standing next to the bed her dad was lying in. there's a picture of all the crazy kids from streamwood high that i know and love, hanging out at alysun's place - and they are hanging out with her dad in his room. and there's a picture of alysun's high school graduation - and they were able to bring her dad in his bed.

it was beautiful and painful - no one deserves to have this as part of their life.

i love alysun. my heart breaks with hers.

this month is done. it's fired. no need for anything else to happen.

i'm looking forward to comfort food tonight. and looking forward to more hiding in jesus - i don't know how else to push through.