thoughts on belovedness.

my friend nickwas teaching the other night and he mentioned something along the lines of living "from" and "towards" belovedness.

fancy word, huh? not really. when it comes down to it, it is the core of who we are as individuals and as humans...

it is knowing what our true identity is - the beloved child of god created in her image. and at first glance it might look like you need to be living in either one or the other. this might be true at some points of our lives.

what i've found in my experience - both limited (i'm only 28) and expansive (i'm not your average 28 year old) - is that this movement is a beautiful dance where both are sustained by each other and one cannot happen without the other.

i've been part of many conversations where my lingering thought is "have we missed belovedness? have we missed the core reality of who we are?" then i'm gracefully reminded that we all have different perceptions, and sadly, sometimes we miss it, sometimes i miss it.

i statements from now on...

i get caught up in the "little" nuances of life - which when you're in the midst of not so little. "will if figure out my sexuality stuff?" "will my abandonment issues keep spinning me?" "why does it feel like everything is so overwhelming it might kill me?" etc. etc. etc.

here's the true reality - here's the simplicity of it all - when it comes down to the core issue of life, it is god in me, the divine in me and the potential of me living out of that core that truly matters - my willingness to surrender to god gives me the freedom to be who i am. that i am loved by the eternal relational being is the truest version of who i am.

here's where the beautiful dance comes in. i need to be moving towards that core, towards that reality so that i can live from that place. i need to live from that place in order to be moving towards that place. then and only then will i be able to love myself, love others, love god.

i'm not saying it has to be perfect - plenty of times i've stepped on my partner's toes while dancing - but the flow and the catching the rhythm is what makes it beautiful, what makes it true.

so, yes, at times i miss belovedness. and i don't know how to live without it. i need to be moving towards and from it. constantly. flowing. gracefully. clumsyly. beautifully.