such little things make me homesick... a random beat, a certain entonation, a certain smell.
i randomly found a letter from a great friend. in it she had words of trust and hope for me. she was saying goodbye as i moved away. her words, a little over a year later, brought tears to my eyes... those words from long ago are still true. she believes in me. in who i am. in our relationship.
those tangible, external voices are few now. not hearing those words "from the outside" drive my inner voices to question myself, to do a double take, to almost every night before going to bed ask, "what am i doing again?"
i would like to think that as soon as i land a "permanent" job (whatever that means!) all this self-doubt will go away. maybe the intensity will not be the same. i know nothing will be "solved" (whatever that means, again).
i crave comfort. i crave settled waters. i crave stability. i crave tangible expressions.
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2 comments:
funny - i was walking into work this morning wanting to send an email to you saying I love you and I think you're wonderful and talented and beautiful and smart and I can't get enough of you. It's true.
I hope the inner and outer voices of truth continue to grow stronger and stronger for you! I love you. mg
If you could see what we see... a beautiful, charming, smart, astute, wise-beyond-her-years, passionate, intentional, self-aware woman who is making her way through one decision at a time, finding herself more and more deeply enraptured into God's grace. You don't know the wonder that you are and that is part of your unique charm. I know as you do that this job thing cuts you off at the knees and makes you wonder alot of things, but you I know both know that those things that we wonder can't be true. Because they simply don't sound like God. I love you. Nick
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