i'm here
i've been here all along
i never left
i can't make choices for you
i can hope
and wait
in the meantime
i'm here
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
sweet ass job!
so i'm done with the construction company and now i'm a receptionist at a company which i'm not quite sure is their purpose/goal in life. there are about 6 phone calls a day and no clients walk in. what do i do all day, you ask? well, i read whatever i want (i finished trinity and the kingdom yesterday and brought with me el sabor del tiempo and backgrounds on early christianity today) as well as surf the net - and i get paid for this... it's downtown, i get to walk to and from work with maria everyday and i have space for myself... definetely a breather from the past two weeks.
odd the weird places you start finding yourself again...
odd the weird places you start finding yourself again...
Sunday, March 26, 2006
thoughts on belovedness.
my friend nickwas teaching the other night and he mentioned something along the lines of living "from" and "towards" belovedness.
fancy word, huh? not really. when it comes down to it, it is the core of who we are as individuals and as humans...
it is knowing what our true identity is - the beloved child of god created in her image. and at first glance it might look like you need to be living in either one or the other. this might be true at some points of our lives.
what i've found in my experience - both limited (i'm only 28) and expansive (i'm not your average 28 year old) - is that this movement is a beautiful dance where both are sustained by each other and one cannot happen without the other.
i've been part of many conversations where my lingering thought is "have we missed belovedness? have we missed the core reality of who we are?" then i'm gracefully reminded that we all have different perceptions, and sadly, sometimes we miss it, sometimes i miss it.
i statements from now on...
i get caught up in the "little" nuances of life - which when you're in the midst of not so little. "will if figure out my sexuality stuff?" "will my abandonment issues keep spinning me?" "why does it feel like everything is so overwhelming it might kill me?" etc. etc. etc.
here's the true reality - here's the simplicity of it all - when it comes down to the core issue of life, it is god in me, the divine in me and the potential of me living out of that core that truly matters - my willingness to surrender to god gives me the freedom to be who i am. that i am loved by the eternal relational being is the truest version of who i am.
here's where the beautiful dance comes in. i need to be moving towards that core, towards that reality so that i can live from that place. i need to live from that place in order to be moving towards that place. then and only then will i be able to love myself, love others, love god.
i'm not saying it has to be perfect - plenty of times i've stepped on my partner's toes while dancing - but the flow and the catching the rhythm is what makes it beautiful, what makes it true.
so, yes, at times i miss belovedness. and i don't know how to live without it. i need to be moving towards and from it. constantly. flowing. gracefully. clumsyly. beautifully.
fancy word, huh? not really. when it comes down to it, it is the core of who we are as individuals and as humans...
it is knowing what our true identity is - the beloved child of god created in her image. and at first glance it might look like you need to be living in either one or the other. this might be true at some points of our lives.
what i've found in my experience - both limited (i'm only 28) and expansive (i'm not your average 28 year old) - is that this movement is a beautiful dance where both are sustained by each other and one cannot happen without the other.
i've been part of many conversations where my lingering thought is "have we missed belovedness? have we missed the core reality of who we are?" then i'm gracefully reminded that we all have different perceptions, and sadly, sometimes we miss it, sometimes i miss it.
i statements from now on...
i get caught up in the "little" nuances of life - which when you're in the midst of not so little. "will if figure out my sexuality stuff?" "will my abandonment issues keep spinning me?" "why does it feel like everything is so overwhelming it might kill me?" etc. etc. etc.
here's the true reality - here's the simplicity of it all - when it comes down to the core issue of life, it is god in me, the divine in me and the potential of me living out of that core that truly matters - my willingness to surrender to god gives me the freedom to be who i am. that i am loved by the eternal relational being is the truest version of who i am.
here's where the beautiful dance comes in. i need to be moving towards that core, towards that reality so that i can live from that place. i need to live from that place in order to be moving towards that place. then and only then will i be able to love myself, love others, love god.
i'm not saying it has to be perfect - plenty of times i've stepped on my partner's toes while dancing - but the flow and the catching the rhythm is what makes it beautiful, what makes it true.
so, yes, at times i miss belovedness. and i don't know how to live without it. i need to be moving towards and from it. constantly. flowing. gracefully. clumsyly. beautifully.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
finding a routine
i've been working for a week now at a construction company as a receptionist - the actual receptionist just got married. i went from creating my own schedule an hanging out with myself, god, and my friends whenever i pleased to 11-hour long days... 2 for commuting in the bus, 8 hours of work, and the lunch hour. i'm exhausted. i know this is the life that most people lead, and changing so drastically overnight has done something in me. the job itself is pretty dumb - and i get to e-mail maria and megs most of the time. and i spend the whole day doing something that i'm not passionate about, so that fries me.
and it numbs me.
i feel really disconnected. i don't think i've learned the art of staying in touch with my soul and dealing with the realities of life.
i take that back. i think i do know. my soul and my body can't take 40 hour weeks. i don't have the capacity. it drains me. it kills me, yet this is the reality i'm in now and i need to adjust in some fashion.
maybe i'm speaking out of the shock of this week. maybe once i find a routine that fits this rhythm i'll be able to connect with myself.
for now, it's killing me... and i can't seem to find rest.
and it numbs me.
i feel really disconnected. i don't think i've learned the art of staying in touch with my soul and dealing with the realities of life.
i take that back. i think i do know. my soul and my body can't take 40 hour weeks. i don't have the capacity. it drains me. it kills me, yet this is the reality i'm in now and i need to adjust in some fashion.
maybe i'm speaking out of the shock of this week. maybe once i find a routine that fits this rhythm i'll be able to connect with myself.
for now, it's killing me... and i can't seem to find rest.
Monday, March 06, 2006
idealism and cynicism
my friend nick wrote a series of articles: ON EMERGENCE, PARTS 1, 2, AND 3. through them he speaks to the notions of the future of the church, the reality of the church, the part that god plays in it, the part that we play in it, among other things. he points out the relationship between idealism and cynicism - and i can only claim that this resonates way too well within me.
for years cynicism, and i'll add contempt and self-deprecation, were my drugs of choice. and for a great chunk of those years they were my shield, my coping mechanism, i would not be here today if it weren't for their at-the-time saving grace. no one taught me how to truly be myself, so in the process slamming on others and myself was the best way to go through life and not get hurt. and it worked too, holy shit, did it work...
a few years ago the reality of this self-destructive pattern sunk in. i had a choice. i could keep living out of that place or i could say, "thank you and good bye." i consciously chose the latter, which just led to a transformational process of daily choosing the latter, and at times (of course still today!) choosing the former. and even when i choose what for years was the "default", whether consciously or unconsciously, the turn around is quite simple because i know that's not who i want to be. notice how i use the word "simple", not "easy".
at that time i got in touch with my idealistic self as well. the reason why so many boundaries and shields were up was because there's a beautiful idealistic little girl in me, who believes in people, who believes in hope, who believes in the trinity - and when the belief was threatened or at times shattered stuffing it all away seems like the safest choice.
i can't do that anymore. believe me, i've tried. everytime i try to "protect" my soul jumps out and says, "not anymore - because that's not who you are."
in a world were cynicism, blameshifting, and all those "power tools" are the norm, now i feel alone. i've faced this question many times, and in the past few days, it's been louder and louder - will i be ok if it is just god and me from now on? and my gut screams "YES!" there's no doubt within me. and then life happens, and you feel like you're the only one living like this, and push comes to shoves and i wonder, "would i really be ok if it's just god and me." right now the person of the trinity that makes the most sense to me is jesus, so at the top of my lungs i'm screaming, "jesus be there! i'm in!"
i believe in a world where god is loving every single person on the face of the earth - me, the homeless at the shelter a few blocks away from me, george w. bush, saddam hussein, bin ladin - loving us all the same. i believe in the human capacity of experiencing that love and once that happens having no choice but to acknowledge where it came from and then having the choice of living out of that LOVE or ignoring it and going about like nothing had happened. i believe in the necessity of others in my life to be god's face for me, to lovingly reflect to me what they see in me, who they see in me, and to show me where god is in me. i believe that i am that to other people. i believe that you can be madly in love with god. i am. i believe that every circumstance in our lives can be used for the furthering of THE relationship. i believe that if every individual was intentional about being in god the possibilities for our lives would be endless.
the possibilities for our lives, for our communities, for our churches, for our countries, for our CHURCH, for the world, are endless.
maybe i'm being to simplistic and naive. but when the complications of life are in our faces, when the shit hits the fan, i believe it all goes back to the core of "do i KNOW that i am loved by god?" if i'm living out of that place, i can only be love to others.
as i write this tears are flowing, no end in sight. i'm done with god's name being bastardized. i'm done with the petty discussions and grievances. all i know is that i truly, truly, truly just want to be in him, in constant communion. and my "idealism" leads me to believe that deep down that's what humanity wants. it might take different forms yet that's the core. and i'm done being angry for no real reason, i'm done pointing fingers, i'm done with making the problem someone else's.
this is how i chose to live, even if at times it really feels like it's just god and me. i can only hope and trust that others will meet me there.
trinity, i will be ok if it's just you and me.
for years cynicism, and i'll add contempt and self-deprecation, were my drugs of choice. and for a great chunk of those years they were my shield, my coping mechanism, i would not be here today if it weren't for their at-the-time saving grace. no one taught me how to truly be myself, so in the process slamming on others and myself was the best way to go through life and not get hurt. and it worked too, holy shit, did it work...
a few years ago the reality of this self-destructive pattern sunk in. i had a choice. i could keep living out of that place or i could say, "thank you and good bye." i consciously chose the latter, which just led to a transformational process of daily choosing the latter, and at times (of course still today!) choosing the former. and even when i choose what for years was the "default", whether consciously or unconsciously, the turn around is quite simple because i know that's not who i want to be. notice how i use the word "simple", not "easy".
at that time i got in touch with my idealistic self as well. the reason why so many boundaries and shields were up was because there's a beautiful idealistic little girl in me, who believes in people, who believes in hope, who believes in the trinity - and when the belief was threatened or at times shattered stuffing it all away seems like the safest choice.
i can't do that anymore. believe me, i've tried. everytime i try to "protect" my soul jumps out and says, "not anymore - because that's not who you are."
in a world were cynicism, blameshifting, and all those "power tools" are the norm, now i feel alone. i've faced this question many times, and in the past few days, it's been louder and louder - will i be ok if it is just god and me from now on? and my gut screams "YES!" there's no doubt within me. and then life happens, and you feel like you're the only one living like this, and push comes to shoves and i wonder, "would i really be ok if it's just god and me." right now the person of the trinity that makes the most sense to me is jesus, so at the top of my lungs i'm screaming, "jesus be there! i'm in!"
i believe in a world where god is loving every single person on the face of the earth - me, the homeless at the shelter a few blocks away from me, george w. bush, saddam hussein, bin ladin - loving us all the same. i believe in the human capacity of experiencing that love and once that happens having no choice but to acknowledge where it came from and then having the choice of living out of that LOVE or ignoring it and going about like nothing had happened. i believe in the necessity of others in my life to be god's face for me, to lovingly reflect to me what they see in me, who they see in me, and to show me where god is in me. i believe that i am that to other people. i believe that you can be madly in love with god. i am. i believe that every circumstance in our lives can be used for the furthering of THE relationship. i believe that if every individual was intentional about being in god the possibilities for our lives would be endless.
the possibilities for our lives, for our communities, for our churches, for our countries, for our CHURCH, for the world, are endless.
maybe i'm being to simplistic and naive. but when the complications of life are in our faces, when the shit hits the fan, i believe it all goes back to the core of "do i KNOW that i am loved by god?" if i'm living out of that place, i can only be love to others.
as i write this tears are flowing, no end in sight. i'm done with god's name being bastardized. i'm done with the petty discussions and grievances. all i know is that i truly, truly, truly just want to be in him, in constant communion. and my "idealism" leads me to believe that deep down that's what humanity wants. it might take different forms yet that's the core. and i'm done being angry for no real reason, i'm done pointing fingers, i'm done with making the problem someone else's.
this is how i chose to live, even if at times it really feels like it's just god and me. i can only hope and trust that others will meet me there.
trinity, i will be ok if it's just you and me.
oh, the tension.
i'm starting to feel the financial strain of not having a job. it's not critical, yet there's a constant reminder. and there's only so much i can do. i can't obsess over it. i am taking the appropriate steps/responsibilities that would move me in that direction. i'm also reminded of the important things in life - living in surrender and dependance, living immersed in the love of the one and only, and knowing that this is the reality that matters. i just wish that the world around me would understand these priorities and would respect them. i guess that's part of the whole "living in this world but not of it." i'm so value driven that if it isn't connected to my values, it really doesn't matter to me or i simply don't care. and right now my value is to be in communion with the three-in-one. that's all that really matters.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
have i mentioned that i heart him?!?!?
"Do you think if we all got together and pulled this down, democracy would flourish in Hollywood?" -- host Jon Stewart, pointing to a tall Oscar statue behind him.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
facing yourself.
it's one of the hardest things to do... when the ugly and the beautiful meet each other and coexist without trying to outdo each other... it's beautiful and hard to stay in. now, if only i let jesus hang out for a little longer...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
random encounters
i've only been in denver for eight months, and the peeps in this picture (all of them i met working at starbucks in denver except for jim) are all amazing...
it's the little things in life, i tell ya.
Monday, February 20, 2006
embracing new realities
sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you plan it.
it is interesting to note that you had some desires and expectations after the fact of them not being met. it leaves you feeling naked, vulnerable, and abandoned. sort of "adam and eve's fig leaves" if you will...
that's when you have a choice - you can either moan and groan about how unfair life is and take the oh so well traveled and known victim route, or you can embrace your new reality. the first one is my default. the second one gets easier and easier with time - still hard nonetheless.
so i've been embracing my new reality - in the past couple of months life has done a 180 turn on me. in the shock of it, i felt the victimization. today was a clear cut moment in embracing this new part.
enter the trinity.
well, not really "enter". it's always been there.
enter my awareness of the trinity.
there's no way i can accept the trinity's love and embrace if i don't accept, love, and embrace myself. in the midst of the chaos the water are settling, the mud and pebbles are visible and not as fierce as when the current swipes them away. there's awakened desire and the feeling of living in the first point of view, not vicariously.
it does feel like i'm a baby learning to walk all over again... baby steps... baby steps... fully knowing that i will fall flat on my face, maybe scrape my knee, definitely a little more crying... and i will get up and try again.
i guess this is what we call full on grieving and the glimmer of hope is finally visible - like a good friend of mine calls it, the "rocket fuel".
it is interesting to note that you had some desires and expectations after the fact of them not being met. it leaves you feeling naked, vulnerable, and abandoned. sort of "adam and eve's fig leaves" if you will...
that's when you have a choice - you can either moan and groan about how unfair life is and take the oh so well traveled and known victim route, or you can embrace your new reality. the first one is my default. the second one gets easier and easier with time - still hard nonetheless.
so i've been embracing my new reality - in the past couple of months life has done a 180 turn on me. in the shock of it, i felt the victimization. today was a clear cut moment in embracing this new part.
enter the trinity.
well, not really "enter". it's always been there.
enter my awareness of the trinity.
there's no way i can accept the trinity's love and embrace if i don't accept, love, and embrace myself. in the midst of the chaos the water are settling, the mud and pebbles are visible and not as fierce as when the current swipes them away. there's awakened desire and the feeling of living in the first point of view, not vicariously.
it does feel like i'm a baby learning to walk all over again... baby steps... baby steps... fully knowing that i will fall flat on my face, maybe scrape my knee, definitely a little more crying... and i will get up and try again.
i guess this is what we call full on grieving and the glimmer of hope is finally visible - like a good friend of mine calls it, the "rocket fuel".
Saturday, February 18, 2006
HOLY HELL!!!
we've been having midwestern weather...
today the low was -1. if i wanted midwestern weather i would've stayed there... nonetheless, the sun was shining today and at night i walked all of four blocks to megs place and back... i did have like three layers on me, yet i was able to walk in it...
i don't like the cold. i'm ready for spring/summer.
just had to put that out there :-)
today the low was -1. if i wanted midwestern weather i would've stayed there... nonetheless, the sun was shining today and at night i walked all of four blocks to megs place and back... i did have like three layers on me, yet i was able to walk in it...
i don't like the cold. i'm ready for spring/summer.
just had to put that out there :-)
Thursday, February 16, 2006
funny.
in my addiction to google news, i read this today:
"the formal search for the award-winning show dog named vivi, who bolted from her cage wednesday at kennedy airport, was officially called off at midday today."
what?!?!? i'm a dog?!?!? i was lost?!??! who knew...
"the formal search for the award-winning show dog named vivi, who bolted from her cage wednesday at kennedy airport, was officially called off at midday today."
what?!?!? i'm a dog?!?!? i was lost?!??! who knew...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
he is the love of my life...
he is, he is...
i read this early today on google news.
"jon stewart tackled the cheney topic on his comedy central show, saying cheney's shooting made whittington the first person shot by a sitting vice president since alexander hamilton. "hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with aaron burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. whittington? mistaken for a bird."
i heart jon stewart.
i read this early today on google news.
"jon stewart tackled the cheney topic on his comedy central show, saying cheney's shooting made whittington the first person shot by a sitting vice president since alexander hamilton. "hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with aaron burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. whittington? mistaken for a bird."
i heart jon stewart.
Monday, February 13, 2006
i'm wearing slacks and suits...
it's probably a picture of me not many have even concieved...
yes, i'm back doing office work.
and this time i need to dress the part.
and if i'm getting paid decent $$ to update my blog, then so be it!
i love e-mailing my friends throghout the day, and it makes me look busy
:-D
for now, carry on with the office work.
let's see how long til i get bored (again!)
yes, i'm back doing office work.
and this time i need to dress the part.
and if i'm getting paid decent $$ to update my blog, then so be it!
i love e-mailing my friends throghout the day, and it makes me look busy
:-D
for now, carry on with the office work.
let's see how long til i get bored (again!)
Monday, January 30, 2006
28
i finished my last post about an hour and a half ago - and for whatever reason decided to read all my entries in my blog. the past year and a half have been a roller coaster!!!
i love that it is documented. i can go through it and remember especific moments, emotions, realizations.
i turn 28 today.
the year of 27 was a healing year. a year of realizations. a season in there qualifies as numb. the end-tail was hopeful and re-discovering, re-defining.
i'm looking forward to a year of abiding. a year of crying out loud "nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you lord." a year of more immersing in the trinity. a year of growth. a year of wholeness.
happy birthday to me.
i love that it is documented. i can go through it and remember especific moments, emotions, realizations.
i turn 28 today.
the year of 27 was a healing year. a year of realizations. a season in there qualifies as numb. the end-tail was hopeful and re-discovering, re-defining.
i'm looking forward to a year of abiding. a year of crying out loud "nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you lord." a year of more immersing in the trinity. a year of growth. a year of wholeness.
happy birthday to me.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
the little glimpses.
this weekend we had the radius-team retreat - designed for those of us that have committed to radius for this 2-0-5/2-0-6 year (thanks jibjab!) we went away to breckenridge, all 20 of us, well 21 with baby hayden!
it was a time of sitting down and relaxing for me. it was a time of remembering.
about 8 months ago i picked up and left what was my life in chicago and moved to denver. what seemed like a radical, out of nowhere move was really well founded. and that was what i was reminded of...
i was reminded of all the little glimpses of possibility. i was reminded of all the what if's... i was reminded of how i was not and stil i'm not in a place of being a pioneer and leading the charge in the intentionality of transformation and growing deeper in love with the trinity. i was reminded of my conscious choice of wanting to be immersed in a community that although i knew it was not "perfect" by our regular standards, everyone involved is committed to these deep roots of love. i knew that we would all fall flat on our faces and hurt each other along the way as we figured it out, but we are all in it and committed. i was reminded of how this is the true meaning of "perfection".
i was reminded of my story and how it ties in with the bigger radius story. no matter how much longer i'm here - 3 months, a year, five years, the rest of my life - my story is connected with the radius story, with the stories of everyone else here. the intersection is real and there's no "turning back" - not that i want there to be one. and i was reminded of how about 3 years ago, in the midst of figuring out next steps and just plain getting to know other people, i happened to spend a weekend with about 10 other crazy people brainstorming ideas and thoughts that miraculously became the foundation of what i live out today. that was the weekend when ideologically i became tied to our experimental church. little did i know, as i was reminded by my friend sara today, that i would live in denver living all of this out.
all these little glimpses were flooded into my mind this weekend, once again painting a comprehensive picture - a picture that rocks my guts and leaves me with this reality: i don't know how to do life any other way.
it was a time of sitting down and relaxing for me. it was a time of remembering.
about 8 months ago i picked up and left what was my life in chicago and moved to denver. what seemed like a radical, out of nowhere move was really well founded. and that was what i was reminded of...
i was reminded of all the little glimpses of possibility. i was reminded of all the what if's... i was reminded of how i was not and stil i'm not in a place of being a pioneer and leading the charge in the intentionality of transformation and growing deeper in love with the trinity. i was reminded of my conscious choice of wanting to be immersed in a community that although i knew it was not "perfect" by our regular standards, everyone involved is committed to these deep roots of love. i knew that we would all fall flat on our faces and hurt each other along the way as we figured it out, but we are all in it and committed. i was reminded of how this is the true meaning of "perfection".
i was reminded of my story and how it ties in with the bigger radius story. no matter how much longer i'm here - 3 months, a year, five years, the rest of my life - my story is connected with the radius story, with the stories of everyone else here. the intersection is real and there's no "turning back" - not that i want there to be one. and i was reminded of how about 3 years ago, in the midst of figuring out next steps and just plain getting to know other people, i happened to spend a weekend with about 10 other crazy people brainstorming ideas and thoughts that miraculously became the foundation of what i live out today. that was the weekend when ideologically i became tied to our experimental church. little did i know, as i was reminded by my friend sara today, that i would live in denver living all of this out.
all these little glimpses were flooded into my mind this weekend, once again painting a comprehensive picture - a picture that rocks my guts and leaves me with this reality: i don't know how to do life any other way.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
such a random day!
today was my first day out walking around town after being sick. it was gorgeous out!
i ran some errands, and then went to starbucks to clean up my locker, pick up my tips, hand in my keys... it was fun and sad, all at the same time. the peeps that were working at the time are great, i get along with all of them, so it was pretty much like old times, except that i didn't have an apron on.
and "my boyfriend" was there. ok, little explanation. about a week ago this guy ryan from the curtis store called our store asking to speak to a manager. i was not available at the time so he left a message. when i came back amber and enrique both told me to call. usually when someone from another store calls is because they just ran out of something. so i said, "if they really want something, they'll call back. i don't need to." so they started kidding around saying that he sounded cute and that he really needed to talk to me - blah, blah, blah... it was sort of funny. a time later i send enrique on his break. the phone rings and amber picks up and says, "it's ryan from curtis". so i pick up the phone, all nice and conversational, and this is what i hear from the other line.
"how are you guys doing?"
me - "we're doing well. what's going on with you guys?"
"not much. i was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime..."
me - "i don't even know who you are..."
At that point the person on the other line starts laughing. it was enrique from the phone in the back; amber was in it too... it was pretty funny... we laugh it off, enrique comes back from his break, it's all good...
not even 10 minutes later the phone rings again. amber picks up again and says, "it's the joke of the day, ryan from curtis." i look at enrique who's standing next to me, who gives me a look of, "i'm right here!" so we all look at each other and just start laughing. amber and enrique are both making "ooh-ing" noises... i pick up the phone.
me - "this is vivian"
"hey, this is ryan from curtis. i was wondering if you guys had any 5's you could spare..."
as soon as i hang up the phone, i look at amber and enrique... "they're out of $5's!!!" who's out of $5's?!?!? that bastard is after my money! this relationship will never work if that's all he's after..." so we start laughing...
20 minutes later ryan from curtis walks in... he's really cute as in "pretty" cute. snowboarding pink cheeks, about 6'2'', blonde, light eyes, he is pretty cute. i give him the money, my friends are giving me the eye, we're about to burst out laughing but we don't want to because poor ryan from curtis has no clue... as soon as he walked out of the store (there was no one else in the store at the time) i start yelling, "you bastard!!! i love you, i gave you all, and you're only after my money. that's it, we're through!!!" and "storm off" in high drama. it was so funny, we're all laughing, so the poor guy got labeled as my boyfriend.
this brings us to today.
i'm having coffee with my friend jackie from chicago (so fun! we both live in the same state now!) and all of the sudden ryan from curtis walks in... enrique and i look at each other and start laughing! turns out he picked up a shift at the store so he was going to be working with enrique and amber for the next couple of hours!! it was way too funny... so every 10 minutes or so as enrique is doing lobby checks he comes over to my table with updates about the guy that he keeps learning as they are working together. at some point, he comes over and tells me, "he's not even 21!" to which i replied, "and he's also a liar!! he never told me that!!"
it was just funny. at least for us.
i'll miss those peeps at that store. we had fun!
so in the randomness of the day, i had coffee with my friend jackie as i mentioned. it was so cool. we both used to work together at willow way back in the day and have all this random people in common... people that no one else out here know about - so that was fun :-D
then i hung out with sheralee. we went to the store and bought stuff to make fajitas and guacamole and salsa from scratch! so good!! jim and megs ended up joining us... i love that out of nowhere i ended up cooking for my friends... they were all here having dinner with me and then we watched lost - exept for megs... apparently the show bores her to death... megs... seriously, what's going on? ;-) by the way, she just bought an old school nintendo with a bunch of games... guess who might have to kick someone's ass playing the original super mario bros.?!?!?! i can't wait!!
anyways, a fun random day of being unemployed... i wish these could come more often...
i ran some errands, and then went to starbucks to clean up my locker, pick up my tips, hand in my keys... it was fun and sad, all at the same time. the peeps that were working at the time are great, i get along with all of them, so it was pretty much like old times, except that i didn't have an apron on.
and "my boyfriend" was there. ok, little explanation. about a week ago this guy ryan from the curtis store called our store asking to speak to a manager. i was not available at the time so he left a message. when i came back amber and enrique both told me to call. usually when someone from another store calls is because they just ran out of something. so i said, "if they really want something, they'll call back. i don't need to." so they started kidding around saying that he sounded cute and that he really needed to talk to me - blah, blah, blah... it was sort of funny. a time later i send enrique on his break. the phone rings and amber picks up and says, "it's ryan from curtis". so i pick up the phone, all nice and conversational, and this is what i hear from the other line.
"how are you guys doing?"
me - "we're doing well. what's going on with you guys?"
"not much. i was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime..."
me - "i don't even know who you are..."
At that point the person on the other line starts laughing. it was enrique from the phone in the back; amber was in it too... it was pretty funny... we laugh it off, enrique comes back from his break, it's all good...
not even 10 minutes later the phone rings again. amber picks up again and says, "it's the joke of the day, ryan from curtis." i look at enrique who's standing next to me, who gives me a look of, "i'm right here!" so we all look at each other and just start laughing. amber and enrique are both making "ooh-ing" noises... i pick up the phone.
me - "this is vivian"
"hey, this is ryan from curtis. i was wondering if you guys had any 5's you could spare..."
as soon as i hang up the phone, i look at amber and enrique... "they're out of $5's!!!" who's out of $5's?!?!? that bastard is after my money! this relationship will never work if that's all he's after..." so we start laughing...
20 minutes later ryan from curtis walks in... he's really cute as in "pretty" cute. snowboarding pink cheeks, about 6'2'', blonde, light eyes, he is pretty cute. i give him the money, my friends are giving me the eye, we're about to burst out laughing but we don't want to because poor ryan from curtis has no clue... as soon as he walked out of the store (there was no one else in the store at the time) i start yelling, "you bastard!!! i love you, i gave you all, and you're only after my money. that's it, we're through!!!" and "storm off" in high drama. it was so funny, we're all laughing, so the poor guy got labeled as my boyfriend.
this brings us to today.
i'm having coffee with my friend jackie from chicago (so fun! we both live in the same state now!) and all of the sudden ryan from curtis walks in... enrique and i look at each other and start laughing! turns out he picked up a shift at the store so he was going to be working with enrique and amber for the next couple of hours!! it was way too funny... so every 10 minutes or so as enrique is doing lobby checks he comes over to my table with updates about the guy that he keeps learning as they are working together. at some point, he comes over and tells me, "he's not even 21!" to which i replied, "and he's also a liar!! he never told me that!!"
it was just funny. at least for us.
i'll miss those peeps at that store. we had fun!
so in the randomness of the day, i had coffee with my friend jackie as i mentioned. it was so cool. we both used to work together at willow way back in the day and have all this random people in common... people that no one else out here know about - so that was fun :-D
then i hung out with sheralee. we went to the store and bought stuff to make fajitas and guacamole and salsa from scratch! so good!! jim and megs ended up joining us... i love that out of nowhere i ended up cooking for my friends... they were all here having dinner with me and then we watched lost - exept for megs... apparently the show bores her to death... megs... seriously, what's going on? ;-) by the way, she just bought an old school nintendo with a bunch of games... guess who might have to kick someone's ass playing the original super mario bros.?!?!?! i can't wait!!
anyways, a fun random day of being unemployed... i wish these could come more often...
Monday, January 23, 2006
so much phlegm...
yes, i know that's gross. and yes, those were the past four days of my life.
i got super sick. i had no idea of my bronchial phlegmatic capacity. at a point, i just had to be impressed.
my body hurt, everytime i swallowed my throat felt like it was being opened in two.
i was sick.
i'm finally on the other side. a little stuffed up still, but nothing like the past four days. i don't want those ever again.
to add insult to injury, i got my period in the midst of all that. which wouldn't be that bad except that i get the worst cramps known in humanity. so on saturday my body had antibiotics, advil, benadryl, vick's formula 44 expectorant (by which i swear now it's so frickin' good), and vioxx, the only thing that will take my cramps away. don't forget the vick's vapor rub all over my chest so i could breath... in legal terms, i was high.
i think it's kind of funny that saturday was my last shift at the 'bucks and i had to call in sick... way to go out with a bang!
i start with the temp agency on the first. i already have a job lined up from the 8th til the 15th.
i have a week and a half off. hopefully i won't get sick again. and hopefully i can find some rest and spend some quality time with god. that's all i want.
i got super sick. i had no idea of my bronchial phlegmatic capacity. at a point, i just had to be impressed.
my body hurt, everytime i swallowed my throat felt like it was being opened in two.
i was sick.
i'm finally on the other side. a little stuffed up still, but nothing like the past four days. i don't want those ever again.
to add insult to injury, i got my period in the midst of all that. which wouldn't be that bad except that i get the worst cramps known in humanity. so on saturday my body had antibiotics, advil, benadryl, vick's formula 44 expectorant (by which i swear now it's so frickin' good), and vioxx, the only thing that will take my cramps away. don't forget the vick's vapor rub all over my chest so i could breath... in legal terms, i was high.
i think it's kind of funny that saturday was my last shift at the 'bucks and i had to call in sick... way to go out with a bang!
i start with the temp agency on the first. i already have a job lined up from the 8th til the 15th.
i have a week and a half off. hopefully i won't get sick again. and hopefully i can find some rest and spend some quality time with god. that's all i want.
Monday, January 16, 2006
24
about two years ago some of my friends from chicago got me hooked on the show 24. maybe "hooked" is too soft of a word... they also introduced me to tivo... what was life before tivo? i can't recall...
well, for half of season three and the whole season four we would meet at their place and watch it. every monday night. it was commitment. it was beautiful.
season five started last night. HOLY CRAP!!!! so much happened in the first 20 minutes - regulars are all dead or injured or escaping (not giving away who in case you haven't seen it)!!!! and jack is back from the dead!!!
i was watching all of this by myself at about two thirty in the morning last night (thanks tivo!) - it made me miss my friends :-(
we would scream together, identify plot lines together, laugh, poke fun at (mostly chloe!)...
so last night they got together and watched it. wished i could've been there...
miss you guys!
well, for half of season three and the whole season four we would meet at their place and watch it. every monday night. it was commitment. it was beautiful.
season five started last night. HOLY CRAP!!!! so much happened in the first 20 minutes - regulars are all dead or injured or escaping (not giving away who in case you haven't seen it)!!!! and jack is back from the dead!!!
i was watching all of this by myself at about two thirty in the morning last night (thanks tivo!) - it made me miss my friends :-(
we would scream together, identify plot lines together, laugh, poke fun at (mostly chloe!)...
so last night they got together and watched it. wished i could've been there...
miss you guys!
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